A quarter-score and two years ago, I created The Emoji Haggadah.
So what exactly have I created here? Easy: I took 56 of your favorite pop, rock, soul, reggae, funk, ska, hip-hop, EDM, grunge, R&B, and hair/heavy/death metal songs, found the right fit for them in the haggadah, and rewrote the lyrics accordingly - "Weird Al" style - so everything was a perfect match.
I went all the way with this: Since
this is a “Weird Al” haggadah, I had to do this WWWAD-style: for each of the 56
parodies I wrote, I reached out to the artist directly, and/or his/her/their
publicist, agent, manager, and licensing firm. I heard back from Kelly Clarkson,
Lynyrd Skynyrd, Judas Priest, The Knack, Daft Punk, George Thorogood, Kylie
Minogue, Stephen Stills (Buffalo Springfield), Jeff Lynne (Traveling Wilburys),
The Bangles, and Matisyahu (a 20% response rate, not bad). Some pointed me in
better directions, some didn’t understand what I was doing, some wanted more
money than Walter White ever stuffed into a gym bag. Nobody said no, and two
artists – The Bangles and Matisyahu, God bless them – gave me explicit
permission, and we agreed on terms. 2-for-56 is much more satisfying than 1-for-56,
and I’ve not closed the door on further success.
And now for a little FAQ:
Q) Why didn't you call it The "Weird Al" Haggadah?
A) You can call it that all you want (in the same way that This Haggadah is the Way is AKA The Star Wars Haggadah), but I couldn't.
Q) And why is that?
A) Because "Weird Al" is trademarked. And you'll never guess why.
Q) Why?
A) Nosy, aren'tcha? Because - drumroll - Al Franken was once a very naughty boy and his storyline created predictable headlines. Mr. Yankovic didn't like the association at all, so he took ownership of his moniker. Respect.
Q) Wow.
A) Yep. Okay, enough questions. We don't have all day. I will point out, though, that Weird Al's name is buried inside the title in interesting ways.
Q) Clever.
A) Yeah, I know.
Now let me explain how to read this book:
Let’s pretend this book is a board game. These
would be the instructions:
1) While
the leader reads Haggadahpalooza, pass this book around to all in
attendance.
2) The
person who feels they are best qualified to sing the opening song (i.e., The one
who most emphatically shouts, “Ooh! I love this one! I got this!”) is
privileged to do so.
3) All
others must sing the chorus or the items in parentheses, which is the stuff the
backup singers would sing.
4) Aaaaaaand
repeat until the end of the seder.
To give you a taste as to how this works, I'll give you The Bangles' song I got permission for. You can practice while you wait for your copy to arrive. As for the Matisyahu song, well, you'll have to get yourself a copy (right here: Haggadahpalooza: The Unofficial Weirdly Perfect Passover Pop Parody Panoply)
, won't you? (but I'll eliminate the suspense: for Chad Gadya, I turned his "One Day" into "One Goat."
רַבִּי יְהוּדָה הָיָה
נוֹתֵן בָּהֶם סִמָּנִים: דְּצַ"ךְ עַדַ"שׁ בְּאַחַ"ב.
T.T.T.O. “Walk Like an Egyptian” by The Bangles
Rabbi Yehuda has a trick
A smart acronym, that you’ll love
Makkot mnemonic (Oy-Vay-Oy)
It goes: detzach adash be’achav
Rabbi Yose of Galilee
Pontificates a thought he had
Plague misery (Oy-Vay-Oy)
50 at sea; 10 of them on land
Enemies filled with regrets say:
Vay-oy-vay-oy-vay-ooo-aaa-ooo...
Struck like an Egyptian.
Reb Eliezer thinks deep more
Building on what was said before.
Each plague was four (Oy-Vay-Oy)
Two hundo at sea; 40 on shore
Rav Akiva steps to the plate
To offer his own thoughts of his brand
Five he estimates (Oy-Vay-Oy)
Were each of the plagues that HaShem planned
All those drowning in the red sea say:
Vay-oy-vay-oy-vay-ooo-aaa-ooo...
Struck like an Egyptian.
What’s the point of
debate, you might ask
Great question that is; smart of you
It’s just our task (Oh-Way-Oh)
To field every single point of view
The sages bring down and discuss
That whatever Egypt suffered from.
Won’t come to us (Oh-Way-Oh)
So we make the plagues a great big sum.
And it’s good fun to do the math
With trig and other equa-ti-ons
We’re on the path (Oh-Way-Oh)
To have our kids ask their ques-ti-ons
All the docs in the mummy shops say:
Way-oh-way-oh-way-ooo-aaa-ooo...
Struck like an Egyptian
Struck like an Egyptian
Martin (Mordechi) Bodek
P.S. Want a free copy of the book, do ya? You can have one as follows: pledge the following, sign the affidavit, and return to me:
I, ___________, do solemnly swear that upon receipt of the totally free copy of Haggadahpalooza (heretofore known as "The Book"), that I will immediately, without pause, halt, or hesitation, pick up my guitar/sit down behind my drum kit/get behind my keyboard, review The Book to find my favorite song, sing it while making obvious where the source material is coming from, and either sending the clip to Martin Bodek (heretofore known as "The Author"), and abandoning all rights to it while The Author sees fit to do what he wants with it OR posting it to social media myself, whilst tagging the hell out of The Author and The Book, where it will live happily ever after.
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